It’s commonly thought that in order to be a doula or teach prenatal yoga, one has to have experienced pregnancy and birth themselves. However as Kiran Mallie shares, this is certainly not the case.
Whilst my journey on the path of working as a doula was somewhat unconventional, what I do now know is that the role of a doula is not defined by first becoming a mother yourself, a thought that held me back from pursuing this as a dream job for quite a while.
I have always been a mother at heart and tended to gravitate toward job roles that nurture and are of service to others. From customer service, early education and nannying, to owning a café and yoga studio for many years.
Burnt by the fire or become the fire?
You see at 32, in the depths of my despair and feelings of hopelessness while I experienced recurring pregnancy loss and the grief associated with wondering whether I would become a mother myself, I turned inward. A wise yoga teacher of mine of many years (who was male), asked me simply “are you going to keep getting burnt by the fire, or are you going to become the fire?”. At the time it felt incredibly insensitive, I mean how could he possibly understand what I was going through, especially as a man!
After sitting with the concept of turning pain into power, I decided to get out of my own way. Instead of allowing women and babies to trigger me, I asked myself, maybe I could allow them to heal me? It’s hard to explain, but after doing some inner and outer healing, the more I was surrounded by pregnancy, babies and birth, the more I wanted to be around it!
So in 2021 I set out to do my Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training and my Birth and Postpartum Doula Training, because what was I waiting for, honestly?
Imposter syndrome
Every woman on my doula training course was a mother already which did make me second guess myself and created feelings of imposter syndrome in the early days. I know amazing midwives who aren’t mothers and I never questioned their role, but for some reason I didn’t think women would want to work with me if I didn’t have children myself. However since working as a doula, it has never once been an issue for the women I meet. My role is in complete service and support to the women I work with and my capacity to do that is not defined by whether I have given birth myself or not.
Healing me one birth at a time
As soon as I began working with women in this incredibly transformative time in their life, my soul knew it had landed into the perfect role. The women and families that choose to work with me prove to have a transformative impact on me too. They are healing me one birth at a time. I am constantly surrounded by women and babies and it fills me with joy to know that I am making a positive impact and improving outcomes for women in my area.
I am always up front with potential clients, and if they haven’t found me on social media or read my story, I share that I don’t have children of my own. Surprisingly, (well initially to me anyway) it’s never had an impact on whether or not a woman hires me.
Benefits of a maiden doula
Hiring a maiden doula can have benefits too. Coming into a woman’s journey without a personal experience of birth, I can be totally invested in theirs. I’m free and able to be with clients for any number of hours during their birth without pressures of family life or children back home. I’ve been with my husband for over ten years and he is very supportive and understanding.
I have attended over 30 births so far and as I approach my 38th birthday, I finally feel at peace with where my own journey has taken me, because I wouldn’t be here doing this work were it not for my own experiences of pregnancy loss. I am in a place of total acceptance that whatever path my own journey takes, I am mothering mothers, and that is enough for me right now.
Kiran Mallie is a birth and postpartum doula, prenatal yoga teacher, Ayurvedic massage therapist and independent childbirth educator serving the women of Coffs Harbour and surrounds. She is also a graduate of Bliss Baby Yoga’s Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training. You can find out more over at @wildchild.birth.co on Instagram or www.wildchildbirthco.com.au
Photo of Kiran as a doula courtesy of Lin Tidén. Mother: Ellen Crossman.
If you are passionate about supporting birth as a Doula or Prenatal Yoga Teacher, Bliss Baby Yoga offers online Prenatal & Postnatal Yoga Teacher Training as well as online Holistic Doula Training suitable to anyone and everyone who is passionate about supporting women and people during birth. If you’d like to extend your support of women through their fertility journey you might also consider training as a Fertility Yoga Teacher by taking our online Yoga for Fertility Teacher Training Courses.
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